o my sweet pretty birdies, i'm working so hard on and with my next mixed media kit!! and i believe i'm falling in love with this one. the girl.
the kit is soooo lovely, you must go drool now:
yes. and i'm shooting the video now. it's almost done, a few bit and pieces. than editing the video is next on my "I NEED TO GET MOVING" list.
lovely birdies, remember: this kit is limited edition and will be in the shop soon. i'll post & send out a newsletter, but when it's gone, it's gone.
on the agenda today: practise practise practise with our little dude. he's trying to stand and walk a little with crutches. and he's a stubborn little fellow. first he kept throwing them (YES, LITERALLY!) through the room. untill he JUST GOT IT. and i'm planning to keep pushing him (juusssttt a little). because he can move mountains. he just needs that little push to believe in himself.
so last wednesday April 10th, we had a new appointment in the hospital to have his plaster removed. his anxiety starts in the car to the hospital, which is a 45 minute drive. i try to entertain him, but anxiety kicks in and wins over.
in the waiting area it's not much better. ofcourse i bring toys, books, ipad and all i can carry. nothing really helps.
he keeps asking the same questions over and over again. this time we had a very understanding 'casting director' and she was really sweet and patient with him. she explained how she would work, and even let him feel the machine she was going to cut his plaster with. before she starts (and after she was finished) that's when it's the worst. during the procedure he's calm and let her do her job. i think that's amazing. he knows when to be the tough guy. but when it's over, his anxiety kicks in again.
so when she was working to get his plaster off, i tried to distract him with his favorite Nemo book. aka pushing the damn book as far into his face as humanly possible. go mommy :S
there were new x-rays taken also. and what we were afraid off (because i'm no idiot and saw it on the x-rays 2 weeks ago), the pens were dropped AGAIN. so the points are again on both sides of his knee. not poking through his skin, but you can see (and feel) them.
so what does that mean. that means surgery which was scheduled in august to remove this pens, will be rescheduled, end of may, and maybe even sooner than that. but those pens do have a reason they are in his bone. and i think there MUST be a reason they were supposed to be in there for 6 months. so now they are speeding it up, and taking them out at 3 months. that's a new point i need to discuss with his surgeon. our biggest worry is (ofcourse) his leg. it needs to be strong enough. i need to be convinced peeps.
after his plaster was off, he got some sort of 'maillot' to keep some stability to his leg, and to keep it from swelling.
and as sweet as the 'casting director' was during the procedure, as strange did it end. i was packing up his stuff, making his wheelchair ready for him and i hear her ask how old he was. Ruben answers 5 (with a tiny teary voice). and she responded "wow, you sure sound like a baby"..... WELL THAT WAS THE BIGGEST JAWDROP OF THE CEINTURY peeps. nailed to the ground i stood there. seriously. did she just say that??? and with the other bitchy nurses and staff i immediately told them what i though of their words... but now i was just caught of guard. she was so sweet, gentle & caring. and than she said that. stunning huh? so at my next visit (beginning of May new x-rays) i'll talk to her. keep it nice & real. but i'll talk to her.
on the agenda today: i NEED a REVolution day, but office needs me too. so i guess i'll see which way i'll go. nice or naughty.
on the agenda today: BIG day. we are going to the hospital and Rubens plaster is coming off. i'm so so curious how his leg will look like and how he will react. ofcourse i'm bribing him with new cars toys. this time it just has to be a good experience. he can do this. we've talked this over and over and over again. i've explained to him he has pushed him self so insanely far, and he has overcome so much of his fears. from not being able to simply lift his leg, and doing it. afraid to get out of the wheelchair (with help), and doing it. screaming for not dearing to stand on his sore leg, and doing it. filled with teary eyes, but walking with his walker, letting his feeth touch a little. and on and on and on. every day he faces new challenges and he's just doing it. brave little dude.
life is good. do more of what makes you happy. rev
his fysiotherapist is such a sweetheart and really helps him get over his fears. he is lifting his (plaster) leg here with his own muscles which is really hard to do. the rope was for his feeling of safety. so proud of him, keeps doing all the stuff he's so afraid of.
last wednesday we were at the hospital again for checkups. the surgeon surprised us by telling us the plaster was getting of that day. he told us it has been 4 weeks. we explained to him (kinda in shock) that the accident has been 4 weeks, but the second surgery AND getting plaster for the first time was only 2 weeks... was this a good idea to get it off already? shouldn't his leg heal a bit more. it was his upper leg you know. not a tiny bone at all... the surgeon agreed with us. it was 2 weeks, not 4. pfew. you better get your head together there peeps. mamabear still knows best.
we spend easter pretty much this way. he enjoys being outside so much. even though he can't run, bike or climb trees. his big sis entertains him like nobody's business. she's such a sweetheart and knows how to keep him happy (don't worry, she knows EXACTLY which buttons to push also...).
so his plaster will come of on April 10th. please think of him already, because he's nervous & scared & worried all at once already... he's counting nights and i try to make it as good for him as possible. to deal with his worries. we explain everything we know, but we don't know it all, and that frustrates him. just one day at a time dude. one day at a time.
on the agenda today: he'll go to school for a few hours, and i think i'll REST. maybe some office work. maybe not. i've got a big huge fat idea for a crazy crochet pattern i haven't seen before. so i WILL NOT tell anything about it, but ohhhh i'm so excited. and i just can't hide it. ha.
{cute chipboard huh? you can buy them at my Dutch shop here}
HOME never had more meaning to us than the past couple of weeks. as you might have read here and here Ruben had an accident in school and broke his upperleg. it's been quite the rollercoaster from hell for us, but slowly things are getting back to 'normal'. for as 'normal' it can be with a 5 year old in a wheelchair longing to run. and cycle. and jump.
i created this layout for One Little Word and the journaling is in Dutch:
"we just want to be home. at school another boy jumps accidently from a big height on top of Ruben. he broke his upper leg. an ambulance ride to the first hospital. with the second ambulance, 4 horrible hours later, to the childrens hospital. his leg was hung into 'traction' to 'ease' some of his pain. the next morning he was operated. hell on earth. and all we want, is to be at home, as if nothing ever happened. but home seems more far away than ever..."
on the agenda today: speaking of childrens hospital, we got our check up date today. he will have new x-rays and we'll have a date with the surgeon. questions questions and hopefully some answers. Ruben is nervous already. i just hope i can entertain him before he has a meltdown.
me at work for my canvas "don't you dare give up" (which, by the way, you can by prints of here for the internationals or here for the Dutchies). and this is so meaningful for us right at this moment. don't you dare give up. oh hell no we aren't.
now tell me, are you gonna create this weekend? let's PLAY. i need to PLAY.
also one of the hardest parts for me: Arjan & Sanne were at home, a 45 minute drive. so when Sanne came out of school, Arjan picked her up, and rushed to see us. they were there for about 2 hours, and had to leave again, to eat and get some rest at home, because the next day the story continues.
an accident like this just affects the whole family. when i got home and went into Sanne's room, i saw she dug up an old frame with a picture of her age 5 and him age 1,5 and she had put it on top of her desk, so she could look at it at night. it brought tears to my eyes. she's not the girl that shows her emotions a lot (like Ruben does), but with 'signs' like this, i know my girl is hurting too.
so the next day the bandage had to come off already and it was so strange to see that fragile leg. his bone severly broken, with just pins in it. little did we know then there was something wrong already.
this was such a struggle for him, and i don't blame him! i wouldn't want my painfull leg to move or even get on the edge of the bed also!
but after yelling, screaming and calling me all the names he could think off, we managed this together. due to the mother of sweet Lotte who was there the same period. she encouraged me to do this with Ruben together, without the nurses. and it worked. she took this pic of us. priceless. thanks Eugenie, you really did help me!
and then every day he had more challenges. he's only 5 (okay 6 at the end of April this year, but still, such a small boy). now he had to practise with this little walker to get around. from his wheelchair, walk to the end of the room, and back again. his fysiotherapist is next to him. she was such a sweetheart. patience is the key peeps. P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. and you'll get everything from him.
but that wasn't enough. he had to climbe the stairs too.... he had to do al these 'chores' so we were allowed to go home the next day. this was saturday and i wanted to come home on Sunday, because that would be so much easier for Arjan & Sanne too! and Ruben was dying to be home with the four of us again. there were nights he kept telling me completely upset & all with tears he missed daddy & sanne so freaking much. i broke. and cried with him. i told him Sanne & daddy are ALWAYS in his heart. and even though they weren't with us, we were strong together and we would fight this. and that he was my champion. oh the little dude. i can still cry like a baby typing this. there was so much sadness and grief for him in those weeks. and it was so hard to watch him like that. i just hold him, cuddled him and tried to poor all my love into him. keeping positive. staying strong for the dude. i can't imagine how life would be with a severe sick child and hospitals as your daily life. i bow to you peeps. i bow deeply.
the surgeon came by our beds the next morning and i was READY. he was stunned by what Ruben had accomplished in two days and we were allowed to go home. in tears i called Arjan: PICK US UP NOW. seriously. homesick doesn't even come close. two extremely tired, but oh so ready to rock 'n roll.
proudly she walked him to the corridors. she couldn't wait to take us home. that felt so extremely good.
there he was. in the car. he was so freaking scared, but we had lots of extra pillows to make him as comfortable as possible. hit the road dad.
we improvised a bit so he could play with his own toys again. look at that pale face... not being able to get outside really gets to you!
so we went to the childrens fysiotherapist and she's a gem. she really is. he deserved the gold medal for doing excercises he was soooo freaking scared off. i told her i though his knee was redish. that could be because he was operated there. but i just didn't trusted it yet. he still was on pain medications (2 kinds) and we were not able to bring that down. he still had so much pain. it was strange.
and he was doing his best. big strong daddy taking him downstairs in the morning. i was too afraid to mis step myself and drop him. seriously. scary stuff.
fast forward to Sunday March 3. being at home exactly one week. "mom, i feel bumps on the sides of my knee...". i was sick, i got the stumach flu on Saturday night and was up all night throwing up and all that kind of fun stuff. but hey, being sick was NOT an option. so we both looked at his knee. the horror... i saw to bumps on both sides and knew exactly what was wrong... his steel pens were coming out. through his knee. not through his skin, heaven thanks, but it was a horrific sight. it explained his pains, his not-willing-to-practise anything. the poor little dude. one phonecall to the hospital and yes "come right now" was the answer. Sanne had the flu also, so grandpa came over. one of my besties came over to me. she offered to go with Arjan for me, because i was still sick. but i just needed to be with him. i thought he needed surgery right away. i managed to eat a banana and jumped in the car. like a zombie. Arjan drove ofcourse. i tried not to throw up. it's amazing how mom's body's work. if i would have been at home with Arjan taken care of the kids, i would have been still sick and miserable. i still was miserable, but the throwing up part stopped. like my body knew, "not now".
the ER doctor came. he needed x-rays. again. the horror on Ruben's face. when we went into the room there was this sparkly (but evil smiling) looking girl. telling Ruben she wouldn't touch him! (because he was crying already). i do have pics of that but it's just too sad to see him that upset. but seriously. she was a B.... we had to get him onto a hard table and she wanted him to sit on those big screens where they take the x-rays with. i get it. but when you have a child in extreme pain, and scared to death. what's the best way to deal with him? YES. PUSH HIM. cause he was on the edge already. so he started to cry uncontrollably. she even told him " there are more children, and i don't have all the time in the world" and when she told him that, she pushed this hard pillow under his leg which made him scream of pains. Arjan told her she need to BACK OFF. seriously people. our 5 year old sweetheart was in so much stress and this 'girl' was like: 'get over it'. obviously the WRONG person on the WRONG place. like i said before. a little bit patience, a little bit time WILL WIN YOU TIME. but that must be so hard to understand.
the x-rays were taken and he needed plaster because they send us home again. it was Sunday. no surgery. we'll call you tomorrow.... and yes. the steel pens were coming out...
so onto the next room where he got his emergency plaster. he was exhausted. we were exhausted. those woman were gems & really did understand what the little dude has gone through. look at Ruben's face. it breaks my heart.
we went home and to bed because it was late at night already. early in the morning i got the call from the ER Doctor. "you can come right now, we have a spot in surgery right now". uhm. it's a 45 minute drive, so we'll be there in 1 hour (we also had to drop off Sanne at grandma's and grandpa's house, because she still had the flu)... when we arrived at the hospital something did bring a smile to Ruben's face. he 'walked' into his 'old' room, and surprise, surprise, who was there?! Lotte! His lovely friend from his first stay! she was admitted also. that sure wasn't fun, but it was crazy we were both back at the exact same time.
preparing for surgery
getting anesthetics, this man was like a magical doctor. seriously. in like a split second he got the IV in his hand. Ruben didn't even blinked an eye. amazing.
and when he was operated on again he woke up screaming (they 'pushed' the steel pens back into his bone, they had to reposition his bone again because it was 'jammed' together so Ruben would have a length difference, and he got plaster this time around!). he was in lots of pains. the recovery room nurse gave him more morfine, but that didn't do it. i was watching Ruben closely and saw exactly what happened. he had those damn muscle twitching again. i told the nurse, and he said i could be right! he gave him some muscle relaxation stuff and within seconds he stopped screaming and crying. but then he started falling into a too deep of a sleep, alarmbells and i was shaking like crazy. the nurse gave him something else, and extra oxigen and there he was again. awake, breathing, looking strangely into the room. i will never ever forget those minutes of pure horror. you just want to pick him up and walk outtathere with big step giant steps. but you can't. and you are depending on other people taking the best care of him. it hurts. it still does.
luckely Sascha the fysiotherapist, came to help us again and that worked like a charm. he's in plaster now from his top upper leg till his foot and that feels so much more save then before. he managed to get out bed the next day!
he did all the exercises he needed to do. operated on Monday March 4, home on Wednesday March 6! the dude is amazing. this is his surgeon, who even came to say goodbye to Ruben and told him he was such a big tough cookie. he sure is. i'm so freaking proud of the dude and our family to stay strong and get through this.
i would have lost my sanity in the hospital and the most horrible days of my life, if it wasn't for my besties, you know who you are <3.
Ruben is now exactly 1 week at home and he's doing great! i keep updating my facebook and will post part tree later this week. and otherwise, keep track on my facebook page for recent updates. i try to keep up with everything, but still my brain isn't working normally yet, and i doubt it will ever will.
i do know now life can be crazy (i kinda knew already ofcourse) but i also know i can stay as strong as i need to be for my muppets. i can. they can. we have so much love together. nothing can break us. a leg. sure. but not us.
